Blogg 09/07/2012 I live in interesting times…

Weather is cooler but now humid. Just in our farm area on Saturday nite there was a very severe storm. We had 90 mph winds & an inch of rain. Neighbours had damages to roofs and sheds. We were ok. For a while my nephew & could not locate my husband but it turned out ok. He was fine. I was pretty stressed for a while.


A very special day today. It is my grandson Chris’ birthday!!! I remember so well when he was born. All the nurses said almost at once ‘he has red hair’! He is a good guy and I am so proud of him.


Last week I had quite a shock. The daughter who has not spoken to me or anyone in her family for over 20 years wrote me a note on FaceBook. Quite a shock. I have tried at least 3 times to have her rejoin our family. She ignored me each time. I will not talk about why this happened as it is too painful. But I have offered her to start from today, forget the past with no blame & no accusations. So, now, 20+ years on, she wants closure. But it seems for her to have closure she just has to ask me why I am an awful person. Guess she forgot all she did back then. I answered her but said I will not rehash the distant past. It almost killed me once but with several powerful meds & a great therapist, I survived. I am quite sure I will never in this life have a daughter again. Never.


I read an interesting article written by a lady who had lost her best friend through a simple misunderstanding. Really made me think of my former best friend. We had been friends since high school. We liked so many of the same things. We did everything together. Not that we each did not have other friends but she was it for me. We even travelled together. A few months ago we had a falling out. There were errors on both sides. I apologised several times. I asked to meet with her. She refused. The truth is our friendship died years ago. She became part of the upper crust of the town she lived in. I was no longer good enough for her. Little by little we went from doing everything to having only one short lunch a month. She simply had no time for more. Almost a relief now but I will never ever not miss our friendship. I have other friends but they work and have family issues. There is no one I can call at 9am and say ‘let’s go to Manhattan today’. I really miss her but she has made it clear for a long time, I do not matter any more.


I worked all weekend. Sunday was great!!! The artist in residence at the Red Barn Studio in Lindsborg is Judith Simundsson. She is Swedish and Norwegian but really identifies with her Norwegian side. Sunday we had an open house and she not only showed her art (papier mache) but performed for us. She is a story teller and plays 2 ancient Norwegian instruments. She wore an authentic costume that was all hand sewn. A delightful day!! Need those once in a while!!



Had a hair app’t today and a fun day planned tomorrow. Photo is me sitting under that hair dryer with my Nook Color. IF it stays cool, I need to go see granddaughter Ava. In the severe heat, I dare not travel far. Car just keeps having little things wrong with it and I do not trust it. Not sure it is safe to drive it for 4 hours in 110F temps. Such is life. I have a dr. app’t in Wichita soon. If it gets hot again, I am leasing a car for the day. We do have a pickup I could drive but there is always lots of stuff in the back of it and I rarely drive it. Don’t want to drive in Wichita traffic with it. And, of course, there is no one to take me or go with me.


Still loving my new iPhone. I have several really fun photo apps on it and having fun taking tons of photos. Best thing I ever have owned!!!!


My emotions have been all over that place the last couple of weeks. My daughter, dangerous storm and wondering if Willie is ok. Remembering a friendship. The good memories but also the feelings of not being good enough that I felt for so long because of it. And more changes are coming in my life. Nothing bad but I will end up being and doing more and more alone. Gets old being lonely. But life changes. I always hope it will change in the other direction.


र्षा, बारिश, आज आया. हीट गुंबद दूर जा सकते हैं.

Tills du går i mina skor, dömer inte mig eller mina känslor.



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